just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
