At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
