i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
