A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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