so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i love accidental penises.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
