I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize