nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
