Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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