We're like a lot better than the average bears
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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