yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Alive.
So much puke
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
