pedialite and red bull = repair kit
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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