So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
