and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
