She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
