I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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