matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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