Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
