just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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