im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize