I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
