Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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