She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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