so explain again why im purple
no
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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