He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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