just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Randomize
