Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
