WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
