I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i permit you to call me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
