News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
