Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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