Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
