The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
