I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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