I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
