SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize