I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
