forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
