I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
