i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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