those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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