Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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