I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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