Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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