My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
