Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
