They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
