yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
