I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
