My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
