the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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