there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
