Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
