Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
