Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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