This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize