hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
