Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
