i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
