i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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