so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't deserve a penis
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
