the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
