Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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