I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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