Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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