dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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