We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
