we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize