I wish I could teleport
someone get that fucking seahorse.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
