Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
