Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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