Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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