you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
