How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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