I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
