Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
