I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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