Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
